Everyone thinks you’re adorable until you
suddenly whirl and kick them in the shins.
Despite having the face of a fawn, you harbor
what seems to be a fiendish urge to head
butt everyone, including your own mother!
Why did you chew off your own tail?
Yes, you must pick up the left lead.
Now you’ll learn how to go on the bit, collect
your canter, move laterally and execute flying
Yikes! The far corner of the arena is scary!
PRIME OF LIFE
As a testament to your years as a
trustworthy and much beloved mount,
you receive a leather halter with a brass
nameplate. This accolade prompts you to act
a little snooty toward the younger horses,
especially in the crossties.
The vet says you have creaky joints. As a
result, you’re put on daily supplements and
get corrective shoes.
Collect treats and carrots from children.
Hang out with the broodmares.
» BY CINDY HALE / ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHRIS WARE